With couples who want to mend their relationship, our goal is constructive conflict resolution so partners can move from frustrating each others needs toward meeting each others needs. You would receive a structured communication approach in which partners learn to:

1. constructively express their issues, both at surface levels as well as at the level of underlying wounds; and
2. as listeners, empathically understand their partner.

Some couples I work with are aiming to overcome the devastating crisis of one partner's infidelity. I also work with couples when they want to end their relationship, to help them let go of each other, and to set the groundwork for a "good divorce".

            Please click here for quizzes to assess your relationship.

To jump to sections on this page click on an adjacent heading: 

Overall Approach; The Basic Idea of the Couples Dialogue; Key Potential Benefits and Risks; Couples Dialogue Outline; For More Information; Information Request Form

Overall Approach

To help you make the relationship and emotional changes you want, I’d like you to know about the Couple Psychotherapy procedure I will guide you in. The fundamental approach I'll follow has been developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix, whose book "Getting the Love You Want" I will ask you both to read and discuss with me during the early phase of our couple work.

The fundamental therapy procedure I would guide you in as a couple is the Couples Dialogue.

The Basic Idea of the Couples Dialogue

The goal of the Couples Dialogue is constructive conflict resolution so you can move from frustrating each others needs toward  meeting each others needs.

I will guide you in a structured communication based approach to dealing with the conflicts between you:

•  learning the dialoguing skill sets of  a) constructively expressing your issues, both at surface levels as well as at the level of underlying wounds  -- underlying wounds which you may discover that you are, perhaps unknowingly, trying to heal in this relationship; and  b) as listener, empathically receiving your partner's issue;

• applying the skills during therapy sessions, with my coaching, to resolve the core issues that hang over the relationship;

• applying the skills at home, without my coaching, so you become confident that you can work things out without me, and have skills that can work for you the rest of your lives.

I do not side with one partner against the other in couples work but I undertake to care for each person’s interests.

Couple therapy sessions are usually 1.5-hours long.

Key Potential Benefits and Risks

While there are no guarantees, potential benefits of couple therapy could be:

• “getting the love you want”;
• increased emotional intimacy;

•  lifelong skills for resolving conflicts as they arise.

Risks of couple therapy could be:

• feeling overwhelmed when either of you express strong feelings about your relationship;

• uncovering the extent of your disillusionment and incompatibility with your partner;

•  realizing that your relationship may not be viable and that you may need to separate;

• facing more conflict uncovered by raising problematic issues.

Outline of Couples Dialogue

Please click here for an outline of the Couples Dialogue Guidelines. (PDF, 38.9K)

The above document link to the Couples Dialogue Guidelines is in Portable Document Format (PDF) requiring the Acrobat Reader for viewing. If you do not have a copy of Acrobat Reader on your computer, click on the link below to download it — it's free.

For More Information

Click on one of the underlined links below:

•  The book “Getting the Love You Want” by Dr. Harville Hendrix is the foundation reading I will ask you to complete early in our work.

• The web site of the Institute for Imago Relationship Therapy  has abundant information including: a general introduction to the approach; numerous publications, audiotapes and videotapes for direct purchase; and links to related web sites.

• The book "After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful" by Janis Spring is a helpful resource we would use in therapy for surviving the devastating crisis of infidelity.
   

<Back to top>